


A Modest Proposal

by extremelyperturbed



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Comedy, Drabble, Gen, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 08:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13854357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extremelyperturbed/pseuds/extremelyperturbed
Summary: Mila pokes fun at Michele's protectiveness by pointing out what the results of his ideas would be like if taken to its logical conclusion.





	A Modest Proposal

"Where are you going?" said Michele. 

"I'm having lunch with a friend," said Sara Crispino as she finished packing her handbag. 

"A friend?" said Michele. "Is it Emil?"

"No."

"Is it that surly louse Seung Gil?' he said, his blood pressure rising.

"No."

"Or that shady Yuuri Katsuki." His mind was full of strange images of him leering after his sister. He definitely gave off the vibe of a lusty pervert, he thought. 

"No, it's Mila. She's the Russian skater with reddish hair."

Michele instantly felt calmer though slightly confused. "Isn't she a competitor?"

"Doesn't mean we can't hang out," she said. "She's pretty cool."

"Can I come along?"

Sara sighed. "I suppose . . ."

***

"I've seen you around the rink," said Mila to Michele. They had met at a local Russian restaurant Mila had recommended. As she knew what the specialties of the restaurant were, they had let her order for them. After ordering pelmeni, stuffed cabbage leaves and kotlety, a type of meatball, Mila turned her attention to the twins.

"I believe in supporting Sara."

Mila had a crooked smile. "Of course, you do."

Why is Sara nudging MIla in the ribs, thought MIchele. "Don't your fellow rink mates come to support you?" said Michele.

"Sometimes but sponsorships only pay for so much," said Mila. "Yakov is usually there."

"Well, I guess it's because they're not related to you." Such a shame that she doesn't have a knight to support her, he thought.

"You really do think of other men as wild animals, don't you?"

"Of course, I know what they say in locker rooms," said Michele though to be honest, lately it seemed most of the other skaters were talking about other male skaters. Odd, he thought.

"If you and other men truly believed that about each other then why doesn't this happen . . ." 

***

"Now we are going to go out," said Sara as she put on a pair of earrings to match her green dress. "However, you must put on the straitjacket, muzzle and be tied to the hand truck. Either that or we can put you into the mobile cage that can get you there based on GPS."

"Why?" said Michele. 

"You said men are hyenas and hyenas are not safe to roam the streets by themselves. Are you not a man? Other women should be free from worrying about you. Now let me put you in the restraints or I'll leave you at home."

After he allowed him to be put in the restraints, Sara wheeled him down the street that was full of women either walking by themselves or rolling their restrained menfolk using hand trucks. "Ever since this system was installed, I have to say I feel so much safer," Sara said. "Isn't it nice that you don't have to protect me anymore?"

After they got to the restaurant, the restaurant owner said, "Can you vouch that your male companion will not hop on top of the other customers?"

"I can assure you that Michele will not do so." 

***

Mila poked at Michele, who was unconscious with his head on the table and foaming at the mouth. "Wow, he really is easy to freak out. Will he recover?"

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the title is a riff on Jonathan Swift's political satire. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Modest_Proposal
> 
> I think it would have been nice to see more people side eye or at least tease the hell out of Michele for his attitude. 
> 
> And yes, the transport system is based on the transport system Hannibal Lecter is in. https://youtu.be/G1IayQ9MAl4
> 
> And I'll never stop laughing at Michele for freaking out when Yuuri hugged him. https://youtu.be/PMZGToASqsQ?t=7s


End file.
